Two Sides of the same Coin: Fear of Success and Failure

Have you ever felt that unsettling knot in your stomach when you’ve achieved something amazing such as a promotion? Or maybe you’ve hesitated to put your hand up for a promotion fearing rejection? You're not alone. Success and failure are two sides of the same coin that can trigger a fear response in us.

These fears manifest in different ways for different people. The fear of success might sound paradoxical - who would be afraid of achieving something they’ve always wanted to have? Yet, the idea of achieving success can bring a heap of pressure and feelings that you hadn’t expected and weren’t prepared for. It can be a fear of the unknown (or more accurately, what we think we know about the unknown), fear of whether you’re up to managing new responsibilities or even a fear of not being able to hold onto your success.

On the flip side the fear of failure is equally as real. It's that voice in your head that makes you feel those unpleasant things like embarrassment, disappointment or the (false!) idea that you're not good enough. It keep you stuck, holding you back from taking meaningful action to achieve your goals.

These fears often find their roots in our unique experiences and conditioned beliefs. They’re the result of how we’ve used these beliefs and experiences to make sense of our model of the world. They might be shaped by past setbacks, societal or cultural expectations. Our upbringing, environment and personal beliefs can all influence these fears. If nothing changes, these fears can hold us back from learning and personal growth.

Recognising these fears is the first step in overcoming them. Here are some ways to do this:

Reflect on where these fears stem from and what they’re protecting you from. Believe it or not, they are serving some kind of purpose. By getting to the root of what’s causing them, you’ll be able to take the right course of action to start moving forward.

Develop a growth mindset and be open to learning from feedback, understanding that setbacks are part of the journey towards success. Have self-compassion and view failures as feedback so that you know what to do next time. Change “if only” to “next time”.

Set realistic goals and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. This approach not only minimises the fear of failure but also helps you to celebrate every small win, gradually building confidence.

Seek support from mentors, friends or professionals. Sharing fears and seeking guidance can provide a fresh perspective, helping you navigate through the uncertainties. You can also imagine that you’re talking to a friend in your situation and imagine what advice you would give to them.

Develop resilience. Be open to accepting that success and failure are not endpoints but part of a continuous process of learning and growth. It’s about progress rather than perfection. View any setbacks as learning opportunities, ask yourself what you need to do differently and keep moving forward.

You might be reassured to know that the fear of success and failure is a common human experience but it doesn’t have to define us or stop us from achieving our goals. By understanding the roots and taking meaningful actions, we can take away the power they have over us so that we can use feedback to our benefit and learn to celebrate our successes.